Questionable Quarantine
The ancient city of Samaria is ordered under lockdown due to an Assyrian invasion, but the people do not appreciate the governmental intervention…
This was originally published as “Assyrian Pandemic” on ericmhamilton.com on April 3, 2020, right as some very ridiculous things were being done and said at the outset of the covid pandemic. This short story was in part a satirical take on all the insanity that was taking place.
The city gates were shut. Hundreds of people, traders, day laborers, travelers, and others, were all huddled about the sealed exit, wondering why the city guard had yet to allow them to proceed on with their lives and varied businesses. The sun had risen, and the work of the day should have been well underway. A murmur arose among the ever-growing crowd, and not a few began to ponder out loud what it might take to force the gates open.
“If only we had Samson among us, he’d carry the gate away upon his shoulders,” one man joked, garnering a few chuckles, and easing the tension if only briefly.
Benaiah son of Shallum, captain of the city watch, arrived and marched through the increasingly angry crowd. Like Moses splitting the Red Sea, the people divided themselves to either side of Benaiah upon recognition of him. At last, the city’s gates would open. A cheer swelled for the captain as he turned to face the crowd.
“By order of Pekah son of Remaliah, King of the Ten Tribes of Israel, the city of Samaria is hereby under lockdown,” Benaiah proclaimed to shouts of anger and annoyance.
“The king can’t do that, can he? A man’s got to work. If I don’t work, I can’t feed my family!” A voice heard above the rabble exemplified the general mood of what was quickly becoming a mob.
Benaiah held his hands up for silence, and when he received a semblance of it, he continued. “The king does not make this decision lightly. The Assyrian horde has invaded the kingdom. It is for your safety and for the safety of your families that the king requests you respect the quarantine.”
“The Assyrians invade every year,” Elihu son of Hosea the coppersmith said, “and we’ve gotten along fine in years past. Sure, a few thousand people die, a few thousand get taken into slavery every year, but it’s not like we don’t still go about our business.”
“Ah, but this year the Assyrians have surrounded the city and placed it under siege. They have begun to dig in their entrenchments. They mean to stay. So if you go outside the city walls, you will most certainly be captured or killed. And if we open these gates, the Assyrians will come right in and rape and pillage and burn the city to the ground.”
“Well, how long will the gates be closed then?” asked Othniel son of Nahum the goatherd.
“Indefinitely,” said Benaiah, “until the Assyrian siege is lifted.”
Sharp intakes of breath were made with some squirming faces. “Isn’t it insensitive to call it the ‘Assyrian’ siege?” Hannah daughter of Obed pointed out. “My grandmother was an Assyrian. Are you implying that all Assyrians are sieging Samaria?”
“What? No! It is the Assyrian army. It is not racist to point out which country the army came from.”
“It kinda is, though,” Hannah insisted.
“Look,” said Benaiah, “I don’t like it anymore than the rest of you. But the Assyrian army is here, and we can’t pretend like they’re not here.”
Elihu son of Hosea was not done yet, though. “Have you considered the economic impact this quarantine will cause? Isn’t it possible that the quarantine will hurt the economy more than if we just opened the gates?”
“Yes,” Benaiah replied, “the king did consider the economic impact of the quarantine, and he determined that the economy of some people still living is almost always superior to an economy with no people still living.”
“But do you have any proof that the Assyrians will really kill everybody?”
“I am actually glad you brought that up,” Benaiah said, retrieving a scroll from his satchel, “It is reported by our scouts that the Assyrians have, only days prior to today, utterly destroyed and wiped out the peoples of Arpad, Hena, and Ivvah. They were all killed by the Assyrians. Completely wiped out. No economy to speak of.”
“But what about the peoples of Hamath or Sepharvaim? Don’t they also lie between Israel and Assyria?”
“True, they were not all killed,” Benaiah conceded.
“Ha!” Elihu had discovered the truth.
“The peoples of Hamath and Sepharvaim were all taken into slavery and dispersed among the Assyrian Empire. No economy for them, either.”
“Nuts.” Elihu was still undeterred, “I’m still pretty sure you’re overblowing the whole thing. Those are just scouting reports, and we all know scouts lie about everything. I have wares to sell in Jericho. I should be exempt.”
“I’m not overblowing it. If you leave the city, you will most certainly be killed.”
“What if I open up the gates and let the Assyrians in?”
“Then everyone will be killed.”
“What if I just let in one Assyrian?”
“Then he would probably kill a few people before we could stop him.”
“A-ha! So you’re saying the Assyrians aren’t that much of a threat after all! If you can handle one, surely you can handle more than one. I knew you were lying to us.” Elihu smiled, admiring his own brilliant deduction.
“What?” Benaiah was thoroughly exhausted by now, “No that’s not what I’m saying at all, and no one’s going to be letting any Assyrians into the city—”
“That’s definitely racist,” Hannah inserted.
“—This is not some conspiracy. The Assyrians are really out there, there are more of them than we can fight, and they are a clear and immediate threat. Everyone is to remain inside the city.”
With a few lingering murmurs, the crowd began to accept their fate. Then they realized they would be stuck in the city indefinitely.
“Out of my way,” cried Uzziah son of Zecharaiah, “I’ve got to go buy some refuse cleansing products before everyone else does!”