BREAKING: Egyptian court rules Pharaoh cannot let Hebrews go, must allow 11th plague to devastate country

The pharaoh may be a god-king on earth, but he's not above the law.

In another shocking setback for the king of Egypt, a district court judge from Memphis ordered the pharaoh not to let the Hebrew people go. Judge Amenemhat issued the temporary restraining order after district attorneys representing slave owners argued that the sudden decision by the pharaoh to release an estimated 600,000 Hebrew slaves (not including women and children) would be a violation of Egpyt’s fair notice laws. Typically, a 30 day period is required for community input before any major change to the economic status of indentured peoples can be altered.

“People have been reeling ever since the ten plagues have rocked the nation,” explained lead attorney Sobekneferu, “and now the pharaoh wants to deport all of the Hebrew slaves! It’s unconscionable. Who will do all of our landscaping and construction work if we don’t have criminally cheap foreign labor to do it for us?”

The pharaoh addressed the court decision during a press conference earlier today. “My heart was hardened against the idea of letting the Hebrews go. What are a few dozen frogs or flies to the Egyptian people? But after the death of my firstborn and every other firstborn in Egypt, I decided it was in Egypt’s best interest to send these outsiders back to where they came from before any more plagues befall us. It is not the judiciary’s place, especially a district court, to hamstring executive action.”

But in another blow to the pharaoh’s plans to deport the Hebrews to their land of promise, the Canaanite kings refused to repatriate any caravans of the former slaves. “The Hebrews are Egypt’s problem,” said King Og of Bashan in a joint statement issued by the various nations of the area.

The district court’s ruling to delay the expulsion of the Hebrew people from the district of Goshen comes after an unprecedented series of plagues swept through the kingdom. The rebel insurgent Moses claimed responsibility for all ten plagues claiming that more would come if the pharaoh did not “let his people go.” Some servants in the pharaoh’s court who wished to remain anonymous called the pharaoh’s decision dangerous and unhinged.

It appears, though, for the moment that the pharaoh’s hands are tied. To defy the court’s order risks a constitutional crisis unseen since the days of the Twelfth Dynasty. But Moses remained emphatic that if the pharaoh did not defy the court, Egypt faced an eleventh and even more severe plague from the strong arm of the god of the Hebrews. “It’ll be a doozy,” he assured reporters.